I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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