Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
