Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I need water and some morals
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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