Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
