The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
