my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry about my life...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
