He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
