rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
