In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
