Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
