no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
