you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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