Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
