census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
