I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
