I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
