I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize