I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
tell me about the fingering
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