she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
