and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
