I hate all girls vehemently.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize