I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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