he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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