How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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