Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
