Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize