Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
