Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
