How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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