the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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