I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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