can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
