Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
