After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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