Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
