Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
