A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
