five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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