shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
