i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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