apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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