get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
