The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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