I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
