I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
