Grow some girl-balls and come out already
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
