So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize