he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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