Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
