Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
