at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
