i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
