Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize