I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
