just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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