1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
