I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
