Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
