Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
