Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
