return my video game
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
