Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish there were birth control emojis
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
