Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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