She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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