Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
