If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize