I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
