I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
