watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
