This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize