i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
