His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
