Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
