dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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