she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
