I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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