While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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