but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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